INTRODUCTION
It’s common for parents to have questions around what their child will experience at a tournament. That’s totally understandable as most parents have never been to a BJJ event before and want their child to have the best experience possible.
This guide covers some of the most common questions parents may have about tournaments and some recommended competitions.
Let’s dive in now…
TRAINING FOR A TOURNAMENT: AN OVERVIEW FOR PARENTS
You cannot “cram” for a tournament. Your child starts preparing for their tournament 6-8 weeks before they set foot on the competition mats, whether they are in the gym preparing or on the couch watching TV. While children’s competition is more forgiving than adult competition, kids will always feel and perform better if they are adequately prepared physically.
For primary-aged children, we recommend 3 training sessions per week in the 4-6 weeks leading up to the competition, but 2 sessions completed with focus and intensity is a perfectly adequate amount for children who are active in other sports or physical activities as well as jiu jitsu. As with anything, all children are different, and this is generalised guidance. For more specific guidance on your child and their needs, coaches are happy to make targeted recommendations and help you manage the training load.
WEIGHT, WEIGHT CLASS SPORTS, AND CHILDREN
Weight class sports are damaging when approached incorrectly, and we have very strict rules on this at our academy. Weight classes don’t need to cause eating disorders, but we need to be careful about the way we approach weight with our child.
- Children should never cut weight or diet.
- Your child SHOULD NOT be on the cusp of the weight division: if they are, move them up. They should NEVER be skipping meals or water to make a division.
- Children should never engage in water-cutting behaviours (Epsom salt baths, bin bag runs, saunas, etc.).
- Leave at least half a kilo (500g) allowance for daily weight fluctuation for older/larger children. For smaller children (less than 30kg) leave 200g-300g allowance.
Most tournaments require your child to weigh in with a gi and belt on (or in match-appropriate attire). In jiu jitsu, weight allowances are not given. You must be absolutely certain of your child’s weight in their uniform or they will not be allowed to participate, even if they are only 100g over the weight limit.
TOURNAMENTS AND COACHING YOUR CHILD FAQ
1. THERE’S NO ONE IN MY CHILD’S DIVISION, BUT THE TOURNAMENT ORGANISER IS OFFERING A SWITCH.
Unfortunately, this happens for kids a lot because of how many divisions exist for children. Always discuss with a coach if you’re unsure, but generally I prefer that kids stay in the same weight class and go up an age division or even a whole belt division, rather than jumping up a weight class and staying in the same age division. We’re always happy to discuss division switches with you– in fact, we definitely prefer it! This is often something very specific to your child, and we want to make sure that they have a fair tournament experience. Children should never jump more than one weight category without consulting a coach, especially when they are less than 50 kg.
2. IS IT ALWAYS GOING TO BE THIS STRESSFUL?
Thankfully, no! Once your child understands the process of competing, the process should become almost second nature to them. Like anything, competing in sport has a rhythm and routine: familiarity with the routine will allow students the freedom to prepare more quickly and easily. The best part about these skills is that they become ingrained in the child as they practise them, easily called upon later if the child needs them. I would be comfortable encouraging most of my seasoned competitors to jump into a competition with a week’s notice, but I would only recommend that to new competitors on a case-by-case basis, and even then infrequently. First-time competitors should try to spend at least a month training consistently (2-3 times per week) for their first tournament to ensure they feel prepared.
3. THERE’S A CHILD IN MY CHILD’S DIVISION WHO IS A 93 TIME WORLD EUROPEAN SUPER-EXTRA-MEGA-CHAMPION. SHOULD WE MAKE A GAME PLAN FOR MY CHILD? SHOULD WE PREPARE DIFFERENTLY FOR THE MATCH/TOURNAMENT/DIVISION? SHOULD I CHANGE DIVISIONS TO AVOID THIS MATCH?
No. Let your child have the experience of competing without pre-framing their opponents for them. You can always tell them later about their opponent and their opponent’s titles if it becomes important. Children’s divisions are in constant flux, and titles are largely meaningless until adolescence (in jiu jitsu, this is the “juvenile” division). Please don’t change your child’s division to avoid another athlete without consulting a coach: there are scenarios where this is advisable, but every situation is different. We will always help you choose what is best for your athlete’s wellbeing.
4. MY CHILD ONLY JUST GOT PROMOTED RECENTLY. SHOULD I PULL HIM/HER FROM THE TOURNAMENT WE SIGNED UP FOR?
No. We wouldn’t give a child an unearned belt: first tournaments at a new belt are always scary, so it’s best to rip the bandage off early. You should, however, reach out to the organiser to move him/her as quickly as possible to the new division to ensure they get matches.
5. I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT JIU JITSU. HOW DO I COACH MY CHILD WHEN THEY’RE COMPETING?
Honestly, you can’t. Don’t worry about it! Your child doesn’t need you for your jiu jitsu knowledge. They need you to be there to hold their bag, make sure they get to the mats on time, and to generally be a supportive presence if the match doesn’t go the way they wanted it to go. You are there to guide them on good sportspersonship whether they win or lose.
If your child needs guidance, remind them that they control the effort they put into the match and the speed at which they can move: if they focus on those two things, you feel confident that they can be competitive against anyone in their division. Even at the highest levels, kids jiu jitsu is largely about movement. Technical skill is important, but vibes and willingness to fight go much further for kids than they do for adults.
6. MY CHILD CARES EXTREMELY DEEPLY ABOUT WINNING, AND IT’S CAUSING THEM STRESS/STRAIN BEFORE THEY STEP ONTO THE MAT. WHAT CAN I DO?
Children who are afraid of losing and care deeply are often concerned about the judgments of others, because they feel their worth is tied to their performance. Reassure your child that, while you empathise with the pain of the loss, losing will never change your feelings for or about your child: win or lose, time goes on, and the relationship will remain unchanged. You can also speak for all of their coaches when you tell your child this: not a single coach at Escapology will ever change the way they feel about a student after a loss. All we feel when our students compete is pride, because we all understand how difficult competition is. Their performance is not and will never be linked to their value in our eyes.
A NOTE ON ANXIETY LEADING UP TO THE EVENT:
Leading up to the event, you should not engage with nerves. Distract, distract, distract. The only time a child should be using strategies to dissipate nervousness and increase focus is on the day of the event: a child managing his or her nerves weeks before the event is going to be exhausted by the time he or she steps on the mat.
The easiest way to deal with this is to distract the child, but older or more cerebral athletes may need reframing. I like to pretend that a different athlete is going to show up to the event: there’s no point worrying, because my alter-ego (whose name I unfortunately cannot share here because this is a family programme) is going to be attending the event, not me. This gives me distance from the anxiety and the nerves; I don’t need to be “on” because I won’t be the one stepping on the mats. You can help your child create a superhero alter-ego who is going to compete on that day instead of them; it’ll be fine, because your child isn’t competing, someone else is.
8. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY WHEN MY CHILD LOSES. HOW CAN I HELP?
If your child loses, they should be upset– that means that the activities they’re engaging in have meaning to them. Losses always hurt. Instead of fighting those feelings, you can acknowledge them and redirect them to something they did well. Try to focus on things that they can control, like the effort they put into the match, the preparation they did for the match, and the importance of experience for future success.
Crying is a normal and appropriate response to a loss and the adrenaline of the experience, and allowing children to feel those feelings without recrimination or judgment is important. It will also make them less likely to feel anxious in the future, because the worst has already happened– and all they got was love and support. Try pointing out the difficult things that they did accomplish, and leave the discussion of mistakes until later. Ideally, a coach should provide feedback on mistakes, not you. Go get an ice cream.
9. MY CHILD LOST AND NOW THEY WANT TO QUIT. WHAT DO I DO?
Your child is going to lose/fail a lot, in jiu jitsu and in life. Losing is terrible, but it gets easier when we become accustomed to the ebbs and flows of competition. When your child threatens to quit after a loss, they’re not trying to quit: what they’re looking for from you is validation that they aren’t terrible at jiu jitsu. Let me explain as a hyper-neurotic athlete that took years to get my mindset under control: this response is about someone– anyone– helping the child to assuage the knock that their ego just took. They want reassurance that their hard work isn’t pointless. They want to know that you see and value their work.
The best part about this is that your child is crying out to you for help, and the answer is right there. “You aren’t terrible at jiu jitsu. Losing happens to everyone; now we have more information to help us win in the future. We can talk to your coaches and make a plan.” You can allow your child to quit, but that just deepens the ego damage. Instead, tell your child that it would be a shame to waste their hard work, talent, and enjoyment after a single match and get them back into the gym on Monday. If you let the coaches know, we can work together to support your child after a loss, and hopefully help them build more robust resilience systems.
10. MY KID GETS MAD AT ME WHEN I TRY TO COACH THEM/TALK TO THEM ON TOURNAMENT DAY?
Your kid wants to be left alone to prepare– that’s a totally fine reaction to the experience of competition. Some kids don’t like their parents being involved in a coaching role. You can bypass that by communicating with coaches, who can pass on your feedback or concerns through a filter so your child doesn’t need to hear it from you. If your child seems snappy or anxious, try to sit with them in silence. Physical touch/cuddling can be helpful for children who want comfort but not coaching. Take your cues from your child. If they want you to be quiet and carry their bag, do that! If they want to sit, read, and lean against you, do that. Help your child find their state of calm, not the calm you think they should find.
11. OKAY, OKAY. SO IF I CAN’T DO ALL THIS OTHER STUFF… WHAT DO I DO?
Your child will perform best if:
- They are relaxed but excited.
- They are happy and having fun.
- They understand that you want to see them give their best effort.
- The value of their performance is unconnected to the outcome of the match.
So, what do you do? You swallow the gnawing, black hole of anxiety that’s growing in your stomach, you ignore the cold sweats, and you put on a happy face for your child. You are supremely uninterested! You’re not concerned! You’ve never had an anxious thought in your life, and in fact, you’re the happiest/funniest you’ve ever been. You are PSYCHED to be here! You’re absolutely THRILLED to see them do something so cool, and isn’t it just absolutely great to see so many people here? Wow, I can’t believe you’re brave enough to do this, most kids would never! Just by signing up to this tournament and walking in the door, your kid is the coolest kid ever to be a kid.
Obviously, if you behave this way for a teenager, they’ll want to stab you in the eye; however, they’ll also secretly love it, so don’t let up on your pre-teens. Giving your adolescent something to roll their eyes at is an extremely effective distraction tactic, and will help them pass the time until they step onto the mats.
TOURNAMENT RED FLAGS:
Not all tournaments are good tournaments, but today there are far too many to keep track of– so here is a non-exhaustive list of things that you should keep a watch for when you attend a tournament. If you are concerned about the suitability of an event, coaches should be able to offer guidance.
- No emergency medical staff
- Venue disallows you from bringing in outside food/drink
- No refunds are offered
- Poor communication with participants
- The rules allow slamming or technical skills for children that are inappropriate (e.g.: guillotines, leg attacks, jumping submissions)
- Venue is too small
- Referees seem unprepared, lack knowledge, or do not seem to be paying attention
- The organisation seems to be making last-minute changes
- There’s no clear system for finding matches, getting called to the bullpen, or signing in
- There aren’t enough staff members to serve the number of athletes at the venue
You can find a good list of many upcoming tournaments using Smoothcomp.
RECOMMENDED ORGANISATIONS/EVENTS:
These are some of the organisations we know to run good, safe tournaments.
| Organisation or Event | Pros | Cons | Recommended for first-time athletes? |
| Elite BJJ | Excellent staffWell-organisedLots of divisionsOften good variety of athletesHigh level competitionFriendly atmosphereGi and no gi | Relatively few events per yearVenue is extremely busyOnly white and blue gis allowed | Yes |
| IBJJF | Professional staffWell-organisedLots of divisionsInternationally-recognised grading systemHigh level competitionGi and no gi | Very expensiveOften not many matches Extremely strict with uniform standards, rule-followingIntimidating atmosphere | No |
| Grappling Industries | Lots of matchesCan compete in many divisionsGood diversity of competitorsGi and no gi | Venues are often busy and chaoticDivisions are very broad, girls and boys sometimes mixed | No |
| British Open | Professional staffWell-organisedLots of divisionsNational-level competition; well-regardedGi and no gi | Divisions sometimes empty for younger/smaller children | Yes |
| AJP Tour | Professional staffWell-organisedLots of divisionsInternational-level competition; well-regarded | Divisions sometimes empty for younger/smaller children, especially girlsSlightly expensive compared to local events | Yes |
| BJJ247 | Focus on safety/wellbeing for childrenGi and no gi | Infrequent eventsUnconventional rule system (hybrid IBJJF/AJP rules) | Yes |